Have you ever sat at church and felt like every lesson is directed straight at you?
I find it happens the most when I am arguing with God about something. It isn’t always about a conflict in my life, just a direction I am fearful of. Sometimes it is during a difficult time, making the fear even worse. When will I learn that God’s timing is always perfect, while mine is so flawed?
All of these things came to me while listening to a lesson on growing in Christ. We were talking about not standing still in our faith. We are called to grow and mature. After the lesson, my children joined me in my pew. I looked at my three girls and knew that I could no longer live in fear. Instead, I wanted to set an example of living my faith.
I went home that day, and the conviction grew.
Have you heard the phrase ‘running scared’, or ‘paralyzed by fear’, I think we all have. Strange as it may sound, they both represent standing still in life. Everyone else is moving forward and you– you’re afraid to make a decision. If you do make a, the decisions you make take you far away from where you need to go. Fear can paralyze you, spiritually and emotionally. It’s like the world is on fast forward and you’ve hit pause, then you got stuck there.
I was stuck, and it was setting the wrong example for my girls. It was hurting my marriage, it wasn’t glorifying anyone, least of all God.
Some people spend their whole lives afraid. Stuck. I woke up one day realizing that living in fear was a decision. It was a decision that I made every time I gave into to fear, giving it more power over my life than any other thing. Once I recognized it, I then had a different perspective on the terrible things I had been fearful of.
You know what? They didn’t seem as scary anymore.
I admit, I’m one of the blessed. When I was lost in fear my life looked, well not normal, but good. I had already shaken the fear of not following societies standards. First I made the decision with my husband to be a stay at home mom. Then we made the decision to stay out of public school. At first we went with private school then homeschooling. My life was weird, but a good weird. Jesus carried me. d already shaken the fear of not following societies standards. First I made the decision with my husband to be a stay at home mom. Then we made the decision to stay out of public school, first with private school then homeschooling. My life was weird, but a good weird. Jesus carried me.
It wasn’t always so good. My years at school left me scared. I never felt good enough, or worthy of love. Another lie meant to tear me down and keep my light hidden.
I had faith that God would see me through to the end. Being with me during the peaks and valleys of life was not the same as seeing that I didn’t get hurt. Like many of you, I saw that as my job. I was so wrong. By being so fearful of what people could and did dish out, I held back. I could stand up and fight for you, but I kept myself hidden.
Fear is a learned reaction, I was not always afraid. Hurt me once, shame on you; hurt me twice, shame on me, mentality. Then it hit me in the heart, those were worldly ideas. I could not be a light if I kept myself hidden. By my actions, I was passing that on as a legacy to my girls.
We are told in the Bible not to keep track of the sins against us.
We are told to turn the other cheek, to keep forgiving, just as our own sins are forgiven. These are not idle concepts. Jesus knew what he was asking of us. I needed to decide was if I was up to the challenge.
It all comes back to fear. If I want to find the freedom in life that salvation in Jesus promises, then I have to let go of that fear. If I don’t let go, then I can’t grow in my faith. I won’t really be living. I’ll still be on pause, watching as life goes by.
That is what the path to publishing my writing is about for me. It’s about living my faith, stepping out and being a light. It’s about being an example of living and using the gifts I’ve been given. The legacy I want to leave my girls, is the example of living my faith. How best to live my faith, than to use my gifts!
Follow me as I write about life forging forward through the fear.
Are you fighting the fear? If you are then know you are NOT alone!
This post was originally shared on my facebook page on November 16, 2016. It has been updated it and reposted it here on www.whimsyandpurpose.com by the Author Shannon L. Mokry.